


From now on, I am your flower

by wlwutena



Series: The moment my heart met yours [2]
Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Angst, Brief Touga/Anthy but not really, Canon Rewrite, Denial of Feelings, F/F, The Akio mention is at the end and it isn't nasty dont worry lol, this one is more wordy because id die for anthy himemiya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:06:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlwutena/pseuds/wlwutena
Summary: Anthy Himemiya reflects on her feelings for a certain stubborn, reckless hero.





	From now on, I am your flower

Miss Utena said an awful lot of stupid things. She said things that made no sense, like that she wanted Anthy to be a normal girl. What kind of purpose would that serve? No one duels unless they need Anthy to fulfill something. Miss Utena wouldn’t gain anything from it, even worse, Anthy didn’t know how to pretend to be a normal girl. She could fulfill just about any role except that. 

Miss Utena wanted her to make friends. Chu Chu was a friend. She had friends. Miss Utena could be a friend, maybe. She’d hung out with Wakaba on occasion, too! Other people were scary. They looked at Anthy like she was inhuman, peering into her soul and mocking her heartless interior—— Anthy knew she wasn’t normal and couldn’t make friends. Because a heartless doll isn’t a human. People who are barely people can’t do people things. Simple as that.

It wasn’t even that Anthy didn’t want to make friends. She liked taking care of animals and plants, it was easy for her. A wilting flower or whimpering animal needs care. It wasn’t much harder to take care of people. But Anthy only knew cruel people. Lustful, violent, cruel people. They weren’t worth friendship any more than she was. Maybe Miss Utena wasn’t a friend, either. Maybe she was just like the others.

And yet, on the night of the ball, when Anthy was shaking in her torn ball gown, Miss Utena descended down the stairs, princely and gallant, jumping on tables and saving her. Dressing her neatly with a stolen tablecloth and taking her hand, “Let’s dance!”

Waltzing with Miss Utena was nice, it was simple. Steps and rhythm. No words. It was easy. Anthy was appreciative that Miss Utena saved her, but she didn’t know how to express gratitude. Has anyone ever thought of her that much? 

She pondered as she had danced, and she let Miss Utena see a genuine, tiny smile. A wordless “thank you”. Thank you for being the prince I can never have.

These things would come and go, day in and day out. She’d play piano, give roses, gift kittens, arouse childhood trauma in duelists hearts. She didn’t think anything of it. They didn’t care about her, she didn’t care about them. The turnout didn’t matter, it was all the same. Both the rose bride and her duelists were playing the game. But when Miss Utena would win, she’d feel at peace. Another night with someone who didn’t use her. Maybe Miss Utena didn’t even want her, but it was better than being used. 

She had let it slip out, “I wouldn’t mind having friends.” 

She didn’t even know if she was manipulating Miss Utena. Manipulating was her job. But was she someone worth manipulating? Innocent and indirectly cruel, denying the rose bride’s purpose and giving her a false sense of hope. But she wasn’t cruel in the normal sense. She was poised and strong and everything a prince needed to be, save for the fact she was a girl. Why would she say something untrue to Miss Utena? But when had she said anything except lies? Deciphering whether or not she wanted friends was too hard, so she decided not to worry about it.

“You’ll make friends! Lots of them! I promise!” Miss Utena had exclaimed. Anthy had smiled at her, again.

Then the duel with Touga came. Anthy didn’t know what she was expecting. Touga manipulated Miss Utena, and she lost. 

Anthy knew what kind of rose bride Touga wanted. Saionji had wanted a gentle demure housewife, Miki had wanted a muse; someone artistic to replace his sister, Juri didn’t want a rose bride. She wanted disappointment, a normal girl who couldn’t fulfill miracles. Maybe she was similar to Miss Utena, but she was a pessimist while Miss Utena was an idealist. Nanami didn’t care about the rose bride at all, she only wanted to defend her love for Touga. It was always easy to see their intentions. 

Touga wanted a rose bride who would manipulate Miss Utena. A rose bride who would do her job. 

“You enjoy being the rose bride, don’t you? You like being alone?”

“Yes, I do.” She said, clinging to Lord Touga’s side. Utena was crying. Anthy ignored her tears. Yes, this is what you get for having faith in the rose bride. This is what she was supposed to be like. It almost felt sweet to return to her origins. Utena could make her forget momentarily, but not forever.

“Farewell, Tenjou.” She said, turning and walking away with her new engaged.

The naive, stubborn prince wailed and sobbed all the way, “It’s not true! It’s not true!”

What couldn’t be true? For once, she was fulfilling her purpose. This was the truth.

The next few days were torture, no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise. Anthy was no longer used to this. Lord Touga wanted nothing to do with her. Water the roses, attend the student council meetings, stay at my bedside. She followed orders, but he barely spoke to her. He visited lovers every night. He didn’t invite her to his kendo practices. She was instructed to water the roses if in doubt. She almost missed that false sense of freedom. The ability to play Old Maid with Chu Chu, to watch TV, to knit scarves and take walks around campus.

Utena was probably doing fine. That angered Anthy. Utena was normal now, exactly what she’d wanted. The duels were a nuisance.

But it wasn’t true at all. Tenjou looked so dejected, like a stray puppy on the side of the road. The girls school uniform looked awful on her. Her body was toned and muscular from basketball games and leisure baseball. And dueling, she noted to herself. The girls school uniform was poofy and flowed, it was meant for someone with soft features. Tenjou just looked silly and out of place. 

Maybe only Anthy saw that, Tenjou’s hoards of admiring fans oohed and awed over her choice in uniform. She wondered how they saw her so differently. Maybe it was because her hair was pink. Pink like bubblegum and cherry blossoms and schoolgirl dreams and femininity.

That was silly. Anthy wanted to laugh, but she couldn’t find it in herself.

Tenjou would stop dead in her tracks when she saw Anthy, eyes widened and the hints of a smile tugging at her cheeks. “Himemiya!”

“Good morning, Tenjou.” Anthy would say, and walk past. Staying detached was the most important part of the game. Yet, when hours later, Wakaba had spilt her drink on Anthy and Tenjou had given her a handkerchief, she wanted to give her that smile. 

No. She didn’t. That wasn’t right.

“Thank you!” It was easy to thank someone when it wasn’t true. And it wasn’t true. A handkerchief is a kind gesture, but it doesn’t mean anything. None of this means anything. Their engagement was over, as was any “friendship” they’d formed. 

These thoughts repeated over and over, feelings and the lack thereof. It was easier to be the rose bride when she thought of Tenjou as pitiful. She decided that she pitied her. 

When Tenjou challenged Lord Touga, Anthy was almost surprised. Tenjou was supposed to fall into Lord Touga’s trap. She would become a girl suitable for him, they’d date, she’d forget about being a prince, and Miss Utena would melt away. Anthy would forget about their time together, Lord Touga would lose Anthy to someone else. Maybe Saionji. Was Saionji even capable of winning her back? That didn’t matter, Saionji would reclaim her, and the cycle would start over. 

But then, Miss Utena won and the rose bride cried. Why did she cry? Because princes could exist, or because Miss Utena herself seemed princely. She still didn’t know.

That night, she’d stopped Miss Utena on the way to her dorm.

“I’ve been waiting for you. I am the rose bride, from now on, I am your flower—“

“Himemiya, never mind all that. Let’s go home.” Miss Utena said to her, smiling gently.

Anthy thought for a moment. There it was again. Miss Utena treating her like a person. What did it mean? She traced Miss Utena’s face with her eyes, looking for a hint of hatred or ulterior motive. But all she saw was what she missed, the girl who had danced with her and treated her with kindness and respect. 

Miss Utena was… handsome? She didn’t seem dejected and sad anymore. The girls uniform was torn up, and her features were like her again. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were tired. She looked like a war hero. A champion.

Anthy smiled back.

——

“What do you think of her?” Her brother had asked her, his voice thick with something. It was hard to tell these days. Anger, lust, self pity. It was all the same.

“In what way..?” Anthy asked, fidgeting with her hands. For a moment, she felt like she was asking herself.

**Author's Note:**

> That completes the little two-parter I wanted to write!! Now I can move on to original Utena fics. I'm really excited to start writing again, I'd like to write a multi-chapter story about Utena and Anthy in the real world or something silly with the other characters. I don't know, I just really love this show and all the characters. 
> 
> Anyways, please leave me feedback and suggestions, I'd appreciate it a lot :)


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